Of Fantasies and Fantods

"Tarun, what's the matter? Is anything wrong? You sounded as if in a hurry over the phone. You said you wanted to see me immediately. Is everything ok?"

She sat down beside him in the park bench with a concerned look on her face. He was staring blankly at the grass in front of him. He turned to look at her. She was expecting a teary pair of eyes; but his eyes were clear; sharp like they'd always been; and they were staring at her. He didn't look upset; he was angry.

"Ta.. Tarun, are you ok? Did you get into a fight or something?"

"Not yet; but I'm going to"

"You.. you're going to get into a fight? With whom?"

"With you Tara, we have scores to settle"

"What? What do you mean scores to settle? What did I do to make you angry??" Her face showed fear in addition to the shock.

"I don't know where to start, and how to proceed. But while I talk, I want you to shut up, and answer only when I ask you to"

"What?? I don't understand.. Why should ..."

"I said SHUT UP"

A heavy silence followed. It was Tarun who started talking

"What do you do before you go to sleep? Don't answer. I usually think of the things I did during the day, and things that I had to do the following day, as I lie down in my bed waiting for sleep to take over. I know that you know this. But there's something that you don't.

Every night, just the moment I finish with the routine, someone comes to my mind, you. Do you know how it feels like to be haunted by the memories of all the conversations, of the times spent together, present and past, and sometimes even the imagination of the future, with just one person, over and over again, every night, every single night of your life?

No, don't talk.

Sleepless nights, and you are the reason. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do, is check my mobile phone for any sms-es or calls from you; those sweet sms-es you send, I know they are just forwards, and that you send them to everyone you know. But still, to me, it is more like a warm note from you, note that you remember me, that you want to wish me a good day. I know it is being a little immature.

Every time I watch something on TV that makes me happy, I think of you.

Every time I watch something sad, I long for your company.

Every time my favourite team wins in soccer, I wish you were there beside me, to rejoice the victory together.

Every time I cross a level in my video game, you are the one that I want to shout out to.

Every time argue with my parents, I remember asking you not to argue with yours.

Every time I see a toddler, I remember you, and how much you love your nephew.

I read a book, and something that you said in the past comes to my mind.

I enter the kitchen and look at my dinner, and I remember you saying that you liked it.

I listen to some song, and your dislike for the song comes to my mind.

I go to the temple, and close my eyes, I find myself praying that your wishes get fulfilled.

I go shopping with my mom, I see the exhibit in the showroom, and I find myself thinking how you'd look in that outfit.

During the days we don't talk, I sit wondering what you'd be doing at that hour; I wonder whether you were thinking of me too.

The other day, my brother, you know he is crazy about that astrological stuff, he was reading some forecast, and I just peeked in. I read mine, there was nothing special. And then there was yours. It read 'A casual acquaintance with the opposite sex may lead to a full fledged love affair'. I got shocked and worried first. Then I realised something. That I was a casual acquaintance too. And I didn't know what to do.

I don't know what this is about. But I know that you have ruined the peace of my mind; I keep my eyes wide open or shut them close, you are still there. You are always there, either in person or in my own imagination, every freaking moment of my life. And I hate this feeling.

We have known each other for such a long while; we have become a part of each other's life; you have always said that there is some sort of a bonding between us, though we're only friends. But all this.. all this makes me wonder..

Tara, am I in love with you?"

*************************************************************************************

"Cut! Cut!" The director called out. There was a huge applause from the troupe.

"Excellent performance!! You are going to be the hero of the masses. Each fan is going to change his name to Tarun. Brilliant brilliant!!" The director addressed the hero of his movie, the one who had brought out his dialogue so very well.

The Assisstant director walked towards the script writer and asked "Say madam, how could you come up with such an emotional dialogue? It sounded so original, like you placed yourself in his shoes, and went through all this. I have no words to describe how it was. I have seen this piece rehearsed over and over; yet today when the actor delivered it in front of the camera, I was moved.. It felt.. it felt so complete. Great job madam. You'll go places." The script writer thanked him with a smile and approached the hero.

Several members of the troupe congratulated the hero. Silently, the script writer moved towards him; looked up at him, with the joy and pride of a mother. He smiled at her. She shook his hand in a firm shake, looked into his eyes, and whispered

"Thank you"

The hero stood puzzled why this woman had to thank him; even if his delivery of her dialogue was good, she should have congratulated him. But he was soon distracted by the director's calls.

Behind the camera, the writer who had come just to see this part of the movie shoot, moved towards her car, quickened her pace to get out of the sight of the crew members, lest someone see her eyes, that were now soaked.